Currently Listening Good Apollo, I'm Burning Star IV, Volume One: From Fear Through The Eyes of Madness By Coheed & Cambria, Coheed And Cambria see related

it surely has been an eternity since i have last posted a new blog. it seems a lot has been on my mind. i sit for hours of my day in deep thought. "what single thought could be so troubling that it would haunt me all day long?" you may ask. i do not think it is one single thought, but a collaboration of many. i am trying to grow up and mature in attempt to prove my doubts and those who have doubted me wrong, but in doing so i am fearful that i will fail and remain a child forever.if i just have enough faith in myself i know i can accomplish anything...or can i? are you really by my side or trailing a few feet ahead or behind? .:confusion:. what the world says is being an adult and what i feel others around me tell me are TWO COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ENTITIES. so, as you can all see, i am at a fork in the road of my life...presented with two directions...two different paths that i could take. which to choose? the one that seems more beneficial for the "now"...or the one that i have a feeling will be better a few days, months, maybe even years down the road? AWW!!! i just want to scream out in shear frustration! but i have no one to hear me. its like standing at the cliff's edge, over-looking the sea, shouting at the top of my lungs...my pain carried out into the setting sun...

will you catch me before i land?

~christopher brandon sawders~

"god thank you for your favor on me, as undeserving of your love as i am! i pray that you will continue to watch over me and keep those i love in your hands. help me to hear your voice, to listen to my heart, and to know the difference between the two. i love you father...you are ALL that i need!!!" 

"Pain has never been so brilliant
I made sure you were buckled in
Now you can walk hand in hand with him
Hand in hand with him"

-Underoath ("its dangerous business walking out your front door")

Currently Listening Juturna By Circa Survive see related

so..just to set the whole scene for you guys, there we (jerusha and i) were, remembering that the new AS I LAY DYING cd was coming out, ran into my room and grabbed my ziploc baggie containing over thirty dollars in change and headed over to DIMPLE to support our heroes! Little did the man behind the counter know, that the two of us came to pick up TWO copies of the cd...and pay for it with nothing but change!!!! yes, cuz we are this amazing!!!!!

and now here are the pictures of jeffrey and i going nuts/RoCkInG OuT with what ever we could find....which happened to be only a plastic toy shotgun, and a tennis raquet.

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/XportraitofinnocenceX/Pictures174.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

(looking back on this one i noticed jeff acting like he's humping me)

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/XportraitofinnocenceX/Pictures172.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/XportraitofinnocenceX/Pictures173.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

<img src="http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v247/XportraitofinnocenceX/Pictures171.jpg" alt="Image hosted by Photobucket.com">

WARNING: this posting contains graphic images and even very emotional out-pourings from a broken heart!!!!

consider this your disclaimer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i came across this picture and it absolutely broke my heart! it just upsets me that someone could allow something like this to happen. i mean, if a person felt that there are MAN or WOMAN enough to have sex, why not be MAN or WOMAN enough to take care of the baby...an actual living, breathing human being...that the two of you and GOD created. how can you honestly sit there...right now...staring at the screen with the FjING emotionless look on your face and tell me that this doesnt affect you?!?!? THEN LOOK A LITTLE HARDER YOU HEARTLESS B..$RD! can you see the intestines? this fetus is a preson! now look harder. can you see it's little under-developed hands?!?! this could have been the man or woman to discover the cure for cancer. now look harder. can you see it's little bitty heart that will no longer have a chance to beat again?! this baby (and heart), that was put to death by your money and descision, will never have the chance to be held, and will never have the chance to love or be loved! i apologize if there are any of you out there who have made this very same mistake, and have done nothing but regret it since...for those of you that have, there is forgiveness, for you, and for others like you living from day to day having to experience this. BUT THERE IS GOOD NEWS: the guilt...this suffocating guilt that never leaves...can be removed from your life. you just have to go to the ONE who created you. no, not your mother...and no, not your father...but the GOD who knows everything about you, and who made you perfect in his sight and wants nothing but guilt-free and blessed lives for his children. how does one aquire this peace that i speak of??? by simply asking for a fresh start. FIND GOD...in your car, in the confines of your room, in a church, wherever you feel you can be real and open...and talk to HIM. talk to HIM like HE was a close friend sitting right beside you, because, in all honesty, that's where he has been all along, waiting for you to acknowledge HIM...and just ask HIM to forgive you of all the wrong you have. ask HIM to remove the pain, guilt, and regret from your heart, come into your life, and give you a fresh start! and just like that, your sins are fogiven and your life can be made new...its up to you to take the first step...GOD will meet you there. you are all in my prayers!!! god bless!

""Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless me, my family, my home, and my friends, in Jesus' name. Amen."


~christopher brandon Sawders~

Currently Watching Coheed and Cambria: Live At The Starland Ballroom see related

so i am here...elk grove (south of Sacramento)...the place i couldn't wait to "escape" to. and upon arriving here, i was a little disappointed to discover that things weren't happening the way i thought the should have. without getting into too much details or saying something and it hurting someone i love...i will just say, "i was expecting more."

on a positive note, vanessa leaves tuesay morning for Virginia to go visit her Daddy...she is so excited, and her anticipation for the two week trip makes me forget that i wont have her here with me (not too sure how well i worded that...but it made sense to me). i love her and will do all that i can not to let her down. when she comes back i WILL have a job. that is my promise to her...even if it is working for Satan...err, i meant fast food! [pauses to let the humor of the last statement set in] 

.: i will post more as my life becomes more interesting :.

Xchristopher brandon sawdersX